


Flashes of Us

by Iansthugmuffin



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Feels, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 16:41:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4107801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iansthugmuffin/pseuds/Iansthugmuffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Mick?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>“I saw things. When I, when I was out just now. I saw things.”<br/>Mickey scoots the chair he’s sitting on a little closer, and squeezes Ian’s hand again. “What did you see?”</p><p>“I saw flashes of us.”</p><p>Mickey’s brows furrow. “What do you mean?”</p><p>This time Ian squeezes, holding Mickey’s hand tightly.<br/>“I saw flashes of us. Flashes of everything, starting at almost the beginning.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flashes of Us

**Author's Note:**

> Idek tbh. But hey, feels with a happy ending!!

****

It started with darkness. Darkness, and a horrible piercing silence. Cold. So cold. It seemed like the intense feeling of cold would never go away. But then there were voices, they were muffled and seemed so distant. They were so far away. They sounded warm, they _felt_ warm, but barely. Finally they started nearing, closer, closer.

It wasn’t cold anymore, it was warm. It felt happy, almost. It felt like being in a movie of someone else’s life. But then, this moment didn’t belong to someone else. It belonged to him, to Ian. Well, to him and Mickey. _Mickey._

“Hot as balls tonight.” Mickey’s voice comes piercing through the silence. Breaking away the last bit of cold. Of course it did. Mickey was the warmest thing in Ian’s life.

“So I’m taking geometry, algebra two, trigonometry and chemistry.” That’s his own voice now. And suddenly the darkness is gone. He’s at the dugouts. He knew that already, of course he did.  Without even seeing, he knew. He could smell it, feel it. He never forgot this moment. This day. This _place_.

“During the summer?” Mickey asks. He can see his own face clearly. The twitch of a smile. _He’s listening to me_.  He sees himself thinking it, _remembers_ thinking it. Remembers the way his heart beat sped up just a little.

“Well, I’m trying to get into West Point.”

Mickey laughs. It’s beautiful. “You want the army to give you a fuckin’ gun all you gotta do is enlist. Recruiting station’s like, two blocks that way.”

“But I wanna be an officer.” His younger self replies. Suddenly he feels a touch of sadness. West Point, his dream. But no, not anymore. He knows it can’t be anymore. Only, he can’t remember why now. Doesn’t want to. But it doesn’t matter, everything right now is Mickey. Summer, heat, Mickey, talking to Mickey, laughing with Mickey, _falling_ for Mickey. Mickey.

Mickey laughs again. “You wanna be an officer, huh? Don’t officers get shot first?”

He sees himself smile, not even bothering to hide it this time. Mickey _cares_. He tries to hide it but fuck, he cares. And Ian can see it so clearly now. He knows the version of himself grinning can’t see it. But maybe he just hasn’t learned what it looks like yet. _Just wait_.

Suddenly the scene in front of him is fading. The memory is fading. He doesn’t want it to. Wants to stay here forever, with them. With the heat and the smiling, the fucking, the smell of Mickey. The feeling of hope. But it’s still fading.

There’s more darkness. More cold. There are more voices but nothing else with them. He’s still blind, but he can hear them. He doesn’t want to hear them. Doesn’t want this. No, no, no. But they’re still there, still talking.

“…but I don’t want you to…”

“You think we’re boyfriend and girlfriend here? You’re nothing but a warm mouth to me.”

He wants to scream. He wants to cry. He wants it gone.

And a moment later it is. There’s more silence. More cold. More of the same.

But wait, there are more voices too. He wants these, he knows it. He waits, they slowly get closer. Then he’s there.

“Missed ya.” His heart leaps, the same way it did the first time.

Now he can see his face. His own dumb, happy-in-love face. He’s smiling. Smiling down at Mickey. _He missed me_. The thought is so loud, so clear. “You did?”

“Yeah, man.” Mickey says more. But what he says doesn’t matter, not really. He knows that now. He knows Mickey was scared, scared of his own feelings. Scared because he was falling too. Both of them falling. So hard.

He expects the darkness this time, expects the cold. Only it doesn’t come. He’s just simply in another moment. Another moment of _them._

He sees them, himself and Mickey. They’re running, chasing each other. Running away, which was always what they did best. By this point it had already happened, it was about to happen again. Running away. Away from each other. He knows it will. He has this story memorized.

But for the moment, they’re running together. They’re laughing, they’re touching. They’re happy, and falling for each other harder than ever before. He wishes he could warn them. Stop time. But he knows he can’t. There’s a pang, and he takes one last look before the darkness embraces him once again.

*

The darkness doesn’t last long this time. Maybe only a few seconds before the light comes, this time before the voices. But maybe there weren’t any voices.

He can finally see clearly. He sees himself sitting in a white van. Sees Mickey walking away. He knows what this is. He lets himself smile.

Mickey is coming back, running back. Then he’s in the van, leaning over to Ian. _Kissing_ Ian. He sees himself freeze. He remembers how this felt. The shock, the happiness. The feeling of butterflies and magic and everything else wonderful. He knew it must be love. But he wouldn’t let himself believe it. Or maybe he did, but it didn’t matter. Mickey didn’t feel the same. Never would. This is what he had himself believe.

Only, he knows now. Knows that the feeling was love. Most importantly, knows Mickey felt it too.

Then Mickey is running away again, taking the light with him. Always.

*

It’s dark for a long time. And it’s cold, so cold.

So many things. He hears so many things he doesn’t want. He feels them. Doesn’t want this. Any of this.

There’s shouting. There’s broken hearts. Broken dreams.

Crying. Pain. Pain. Pain.

He feels as if the light will never come. But it does, it always does.

It’s Mickey. Always Mickey. Mickey brings the light and Mickey takes it away. That’s how it is.

The light is a pathetic flicker. But it’s a light. It barely brings warmth, but it’s enough.

But the light ends in darkness. Ends in more pain. This is the part that is all pain. The part he thought would never end. But it will.

It ends with loud music and bright lights. It ends with a hand on his shoulder and the voice he loves so much.

“Get up, it’s my turn.” He looks up. Looks at the man he loved. The man who broke him, the man _he_ broke.

He sees his own face. Sees how badly he wants to run. How badly he missed Mickey.

He’s not there for long before the darkness comes. He lets it consume him. He’s seen enough. He’s tired of the pain. The cold. He wants warmth.

*

When the light comes this time it’s warm. It’s loud. It’s perfect.

He sees them. Sees Mickey huffing about something. He could remember if he wanted to, but he doesn’t. Then he sees himself, leaning in to kiss Mickey. Big no. They didn’t do this, they were still a secret here.

But then there’s Mickey, always surprising him. Mickey smashing their lips together. Both grabbing on, devouring each other in every way.

He smiles. The light is finally here. The warmth too.

 _And it only gets better_.

They fade out in a flash, just like everything else. Once again, there is no darkness. No cold.

“Just wondering if we’re a couple or not.” He remembers this. And slowly, he sees it too. Maybe that’s how it works, he sees the things he wants to remember. Only hears the rest.

There’s Mickey pinning Ian to the bed, a small smile on his face. So much love. It’s so obvious.

“Course’ we are.” Mickey’s voice is soft. Well, soft for Mickey. The way it only sounds when talking to Ian.

He watches himself. Sees the frustration. Hears his own mind. _I want everyone to know, to see. I’m tired of hiding._

“A couple that hides?”

He doesn’t hear the rest. It’s already fading. He doesn’t need to see what happens next, he knows.

It’s dark and cold again. It won’t be for long, but it still embraces him like an old friend. He hears the voices, hears himself. Hears Mickey.

“I just want everyone here to know, I’m fuckin’ gay…”

He remembers this so perfectly. It’s still a bit of a shock. Still one of the biggest moments of _them_. He can’t see this moment either. But he remembers Mickey’s face, how his own felt.

Remembers the fight. The shouting. The punching. The kicking. The physical pain.

The relief.

And now he can see it. Feel it. It’s dark but somehow still bright. He sees them, himself and Mickey. They’re bloody. They’re smiling.

Mickey is smiling the brightest he’s ever seen him smile. He’s so beautiful. They’re both laughing. Both so happy. He knows the darkness is about to come again, but so will the light.

*

The ultimate darkness. The darkness he felt all that time ago. It’s the same as now. Dark, cold, _Lonely_ , scary. The worst darkness there is.

There are voices, all gentle. All soft. So many of the voices are just Mickey. Mickey was scared too. Mickey next to his ear, mumbling things. Things that didn’t matter. But maybe they helped.

He remembers, but barely. Remembers Mickey always being close. Curling behind him in the bed. Holding his hand. Trying to understand what was happening, what was wrong. Every time Mickey spoke his voice was breaking.

He wants to jump through the darkness, through this weird version of a memory. Wants to embrace Mickey, tell him everything will be okay. But he can’t. So he listens to Mickey suffer, knowing he’s suffering too. But that’s how it always was, they suffered together.

*

When the light comes this time it stays. The light brings the warmth and the happiness. So much happiness. Maybe too much. Maybe a bit too good. Too warm. Too high.

He remembers this, he felt like he was flying. Invincible. But there was always a crash, a cloud of darkness that would descend. 

He did things, things he wished he could take back. Things that took so long to forgive. And then the darkness came.

It came with silence this time. And a quiet “I’m sorry”. Because he knew he needed to be, remembers the moment when he realized all he had done. And all he could get out was “I’m sorry”.

He remembers the way Mickey hugged him a few moments later. Clutching to him, tears in his eyes. Both of them crying. Holding on for dear life. Then they had to let go. Let each other go. They were used to it of course, they’d been torn apart from the very beginning. But that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

The moment fades out, and the darkness comes again. It comes with the cold. And, it comes with more pain.

More shouting, more running then it stops. This is it, the moment when everything ended.

“I _love_ you.” Mickey’s voice, trembling slightly.

“The hell does that even mean?” Comes his own voice. Cold, harsh.

He hates this moment. Wishes he could take it back. Hates himself for shoving away the best thing in his life.

He knows why he did it. He did it to protect Mickey, save him from a life of misery. Because that’s what life with Ian was going to be, misery. But he still hates it. He hates how much he destroyed Mickey, and really, himself too.

They could have had it all, but it ended in flames. A fire he started, a fire he let ruin everything.

He wishes there was more. More moments of them. Moments of himself running back to Mickey, like he had done so many times before. Brighter moments, warmer moments. But there weren’t. This was it.

The darkness comes again, and this time that’s all there is. No cold, no voices, just black. And finally, he lets himself drift away.

**

The first thing he notices when he wakes up is a painful pounding in his head, tearing a soft groan from his throat. He then feels a hand in his own, he notices it because it squeezes. Then comes the voice, “Hey”.

Ian’s eyes fly open at that voice, because it just can’t be. But then his eyes open to meet blue concerned ones staring back at him, and it is.

“Mickey?” His voice comes out rough and dry.

Mickey gives him a small smile and picks up the cup of water from the table next to them, bringing it to Ian’s mouth and helping him take a sip.

“Yeah, it’s me. How ya doing?”

Ian is speechless. How is Mickey here? _Why_ is Mickey here? After everything Ian did, everything he said, why would Mickey be here with him?

“Ian?” Mickey is still staring at him, eyebrows drawn together in concern.

He clears his throat, wincing at how dry it still was. He doesn’t even think before saying the next few words. “Why are you here?”

A flash of hurt goes across Mickey’s face, but he quickly replaces it with the small, pained smile he had before. “Because, you got in a car accident so I’ve been here in this hospital all night waiting for you to fucking wake up.”

Car accident? He doesn’t even own a car. “Car accident?”

Mickey rubs his hand down his face. “Yeah, man. You were driving Yev back from practice, remember?”

Yev… Yevgeny? Why was he driving Yevgeny somewhere? And practice for what? Yevgeny is only a baby.

The more Mickey tells him, the more confused he gets. He swallows thickly. “Is he… Is he alright?”

Mickey smiles again, this time a bit more genuine. “Yeah. He’s actually been waiting to see you all night. Should I go grab him?”

He shakes his head no. It’s a big enough shock seeing Mickey right now, let alone Yevgeny. Yevgeny who, apparently, is no longer a baby.

“Mickey, um, how old is Yevgeny?”

Mickey looks concerned again. It makes sense, Ian is probably freaking him the fuck out right now.

“He’s ten, why? We just had his birthday like two weeks ago. How the fuck did you forget your own kid’s age already?”

Ian tilts his head. “But, he’s not my kid.”

Mickey sighs, lacing his fingers back through Ian’s and squeezing again. “Ian, we’ve been through this, he’s just as much yours as he is mine.”

He’s still confused as fuck, but he nods his head anyway. He then looks down at their interlaced fingers, they really do fit together perfectly. He takes a deep breath.

“Mick?”

“Yeah?”

“I saw things. When I, when I was out just now. I saw things.”

Mickey scoots the chair he’s sitting on a little closer, and squeezes Ian’s hand again. “What did you see?”

“I saw flashes of us.”

Mickey’s brows furrow. “What do you mean?”

This time Ian squeezes, holding Mickey’s hand tightly.

“I saw flashes of us. Flashes of everything, starting at almost the beginning.”

Mickey lets out a huff of air. “Jesus.”

Ian isn’t surprised by his reaction, they both went through a lot of shit.  “Yeah. But the thing is, I’m missing shit. A Whole fucking lot of it.”

“Like what?”

“Like, the last thing I remember is telling you we were over. I only remember breaking up with you.”

“Fuck.”

Ian looks up from their hands, back to Mickey’s face. There are tears in his eyes.

“Mick… I’m sorry.”

Mickey shakes his head. “Nah, man. Look, you’ll remember, okay? I’ll help you remember.”

He’s looking at Ian with so much love and concern, Ian feels tears well up in his own eyes. Then, of course, Mickey notices.

“Hey, hey, the fuck? What are you crying for?”

Ian tries to blink the tears away. “The last thing I remember is breaking up with you, Mick. I fucking pushed you away. Why would you want me back?”

Mickey moves off the chair and sits on the edge of the bed, he runs the fingers of his unoccupied hand through Ian’s hair. “I always wanted you back, fuck head. You should know that by now, we never let each other go. Never.” He moves his hand to Ian’s face, rubs his thumb back and forth over his cheek. “I’ll tell you everything that happened, and hopefully you’ll remember a lot of it on your own too. But for now just know that you have a family that loves you.” Then his voice turns quieter, almost a whisper. “We all love you so fucking much, Ian. “

Ian doesn’t say anything, just stares at Mickey for a few moments processing what he just said. Then he sits up and wraps his arms around Mickey, burying his face in Mickey’s neck. “I love you too. _Fuck_ , I love you.”

They stay like that for a few minutes, holding onto each other tightly like they did all those years ago. Finally, Mickey pulls back. “Alright, enough of this shit. “

Ian laughs, it feels good.

“Should I go get Yev?”

“Yeah, I won’t remember… But yeah, bring him in.”

“Hey, it’s going to be fine. Yev loves you.”

Mickey pecks him on the lips before getting up to get Yevgeny out of the other room.

Ian touches his lips and closes his eyes. He thought he’d lost it all, but really he had everything.

He takes a deep breath and puts a smile on his face. And the door opens.

**

Eventually it all comes back. He remembers everything now. But he’s realized, so much of it doesn’t even matter. Not the bad stuff anyway, not really.

All that matters is that he’s happy, he’s loved, and he’s _in_ love. None of the pain from the past matters. He and Mickey have both apologized for their wrongs, they’ve both moved on.

He wakes up every morning with Mickey in his arms. He wakes up every morning to Mickey’s face, to Mickey’s good morning kiss.

He sees Yevgeny every day. Sees _their_ son.

He sees Mandy and Svetlana every day. Both of them happy, smiling all the time as they should be.

He sees his family almost every day. Sees how happy they all are, finally.

He goes to sleep every night in the same bed he wakes up in, with Mickey right next to him. They’re together. They’re safe. They’re _happy_ , and that’s all that matters.

**Author's Note:**

> ~[My Tumblr](http://surfypercy.tumblr.com)


End file.
